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Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of
some of the lessor known ones...

The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia ........ U. Gogh

The brother who bleached all his clothes white .. Hue Gogh

The sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars ... Go Gogh

The real obnoxious brother .......... Please Gogh

The brother who ate prunes ............ Gotta Gogh

The uncle who worked at a convenience store ....... Stop N Gogh

His dizzy aunt ............. Verti Gogh

The cousin that moved to Illinois ......... Chicah Gogh

His magician uncle .............. Wherediddy Gogh

The cousin who lived in Mexico .......... Amee Gogh

Another cousin who lived in Mexico ......... Green Gogh

Nephew that drove a stage coach .......... Wells Far Gogh

Aunt who was a good dancer .............. Tan Gogh.....Matthew W., Age 11, Bensalem

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Question: What's the biggest pencil in the World? / Answer: Pennsylvania!, Jonathan,Age 14

How many seconds are in a year? Answer: There are 12 seconds in
a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...

What did the traffic-light say to the Martian? - Don't look now, I'm changing!!
* What did the Martian say when he landed in a flower-bed? - Take me to your weeder.!
* Why did Darth Vader turn down streaky bacon from the butchers? - Because the Empire likes back.!
* Who didn't invent the aeroplane? - The WRONG brothers!
* What's long and orange and flies at the speed of sound? - A jet-propelled carrot
* What do you call an astronauts watch? - A lunar-tick
* What would you get if Batman and Robin were trampled by herd of elephants? - Flatman and Ribbon!
* What is the difference between the Sun and a loaf of bread? - One rises from the East and the other from yeast!
* What's red and blue, drunk, and flies round the world? - Stuporman!
* Why does Superman wear such big shoes? - Because of his amazing feats!!
* How many ears has Captain Kirk? - Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the Final Frontier.!
* Which city is a very dangerous city? - Electricity
* Why did the frog jump into the swimming pool? - The frog wanted more space to swim
* What is green and bumpy and flies through walls? - Casper the Friendly Pickle!!
* How do crazy people go through the forest? - They take the psycho path.
* What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? - A stick.
* What do you call cheese that isn't yours? - Nacho cheese.
* What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? - Frostbite.
* What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? - A nervous wreck.
* Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? - They all have phones. ** What is ET's favorite year? - 19 ET 3 !!
** What alien has the best hearing? - The eeriest!!
** What did the invisible girl want to be when she grew up? - A gone-gone dancer!!
** What is a kangaroo's favorite TV show? - Dr. Roo!!
** What is a cow's favorite TV show? - Dr. Moo !!
** What do you call a beetle from outer space? - Bug Rogers!!
** What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? - You're too young to smoke!!
** Did you hear about the dumb ghost? - He climbed over the wall!!
from A.Mackie
** Doc: Mrs. Smith, you have acute appendicitis.
Mrs. Smith: I came here to treated, not admired, Doctor!
** Waiter, your thumb is in my soup.
Don't worry Sir, it's not hot!!
** When is a car not a car? - When it is stationary!!
** Where do you always need an over coat? - Chile!!
** What wobbles when it flies? - A Jelly-Copter!!
** What's yellow and swings from one Christmas cake to another? - Tarzipan!!
** What do you get if you cross a dog and a frog? - A croaker spaniel!!
** What's the difference between a witch and a deer? - One's a stunted hag, the other's a hunted stag!!
** Why are Policemen so strong? - Because they can hold up traffic!!
** Why does Santa enjoy working in the garden? - Because he likes to Ho-Ho-Ho!!
** Why did the skeleton cross the road? - To get to the Body Shop!!
** What can you use to cut the sea? - A sea-saw!!
** What do short-sighted ghosts were? - Spookacles!!
** Why can't two elephants go swimming? - Because they only have one pair of trunks!!
** What type of sandals do frogs wear? - Open-Toad!!
** What do you get if you cross elves with a sponge mixture? - Fairy ckaes!!
** Where do cow astronauts travel? - To the mooooon!!
** How do you start a flea race? - Flea-two-one-GO!!
** Where are teachers made? - One an assembly line!!
** What wobbles, can be eaten, and sits in a pram? - A jelly-baby!!
** Have you heard the tale of the brick wall? - I couldn't tell you, you'd never get over it!!

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What is a pig's favorite karate chop? - A pork chop!!
** How do you stop an elephant from charging? - Take away it's credit cards!!
** Why did the Pensioner put wheels on his rocking chair? - He wanted to rock and roll!!
** Why did the football coach give his team a lighter? - Because they kept losing their matches!!
** What do you give a sick canary? - Tweetment!!
** What happens when two snails have a fight? - They slug it out!!!
** How do you make your coat last? - Make your trousers first!!
** What did the grape say when it got trodden on? - Nothing, it just gave out a little whine!!
** Why do golf players wear two pairs of trousers? - In case they get a hole in one!!
** What did the astronauts say about the eight-legged aliens? - Don't worry, they're armless!!
** How do toads fly? - By hopper-craft!!
** What is soft, white, sweet, and comes from Mars? - Martian-Mallows!!
** How do you phone the Sun? - Use a sun-dial!!
** Why are false teeth like stars? - They both come out at night!!!
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KIDS' INSTRUCTIONS ON LIFE

Never trust a dog to watch your food....Patrick, Age 10

When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents....Matthew, Age 12

Never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching....Andrew, Age 9

Wear a hat when feeding seagulls....Rocky, Age 9

Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning....Stephanie, Age 8

Never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk....Rosemary, Age 7

Don't flush the john when your dad's in the shower....Lamar, Age 10

Never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes....Carolyn, Age 9...

Never bug a pregnant mom....Nicholas, Age 11

Don't ever be too full for dessert....Kelly, Age 10

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him....Heather, Age 16

Never tell your mom her diet's not working....Michael, Age 14

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat....Joel, Age12

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone....Alyesha, Age 13

Never try to baptize a cat....Laura, Age 13

Never spit when on a roller coaster....Scott, Age 11

Never do pranks at a police station....Sam, Age 10

Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving....Rob, Age 10

Never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do....Hank, Age 12

Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand....Molly, Age 11

Listen to your brain. It has lots of information....Chelsey, Age 7

Stay away from prunes....Randy, Age 9

Never dare your little brother to paint the family car....Phillip, Age 13

Forget the cake, go for the icing....Cynthia, Age 8

Remember the two places you are always welcome - church and grandma's house....Joanne, Age 11

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Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claude VanDam, were
talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician,
who would you be?". Chuck Norris said, "I would be Mozart." Jean Claude random
said, "I would be Beethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"

Q. What happens when a frog parks illegally? A. It gets toad! Michael and Stephen W. Bensalem, Pa. Age 12 and 8

The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room. "An astronaut! said one. "A football player", "A doctor," "The President," "A fireman," "A teacher," "A race car driver!," said the others. Everyone that is, except Tommy. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said to him, "Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "Possible" Tommy replied. "Possible?" asked the teacher. "Yes," Tommy said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible!" Billy H. Jr. Mississippi, Age 8
Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher.The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply:"Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!" Mark P. Newark, New Jersey, Age 10
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Little girl:
"Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'" Mother:
"Because he thinks he's a chicken." Little girl:
"Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?" Mother:
"Because we need the eggs!" Melody A. Ohio, Age 13

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The man was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes
that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a
present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says
to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?" She
continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie
Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95,
Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing
for $19.95, and Barbie Gets a Divorce for $265.00".

He asks, "Why is the Barbie Gets a Divorce $265.00 when all
the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious." The sales lady says. "Barbie Gets a Divorce comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's furniture." Mary K. Bensalem, Age 12


What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroid's.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones.
What do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help ... after it bites your leg off.... Kellyann, Age 9, Berlin N.J.
Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test?
Fred: Yes, Mum, I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class.

Fred: Where does the new kid come from?
Harry: Alaska.
Fred: Don't bother - I'll ask her myself.

Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats anything. Especially fond of children.

Fred: Would you punish someone for something they haven't done?
Teacher: Of course not.
Fred: Oh good, because I haven't done my homework.

A naughty child was irritating all the passengers on the flight from London to New York. At last one man could stand it no longer. "Hey kid," he shouted. "Why don't you go outside and play?" Billy, Age 11, Bensalem, Pa.

Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years?
It was stuffed. ...Markus, age 10, New Hampshire

What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a school principal?
You can make a pet out of the snake.... Bill T. Age 14, Norfolk, Virginia

A woman walked into a pet shop and said, "I'd like a frog for my son."
"Sorry, ma'am," said the manager, "we don't do part exchange."

What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet.... Amanda, Age 16, Redmond, Washington

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday school, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages. "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's suit!!!!!"

Knock Knock!
Who's there?..............Dwane
Dwane who?.....Dwane the bath tub im dwoning

Kellyann, Brian, Steven...Ages 5,9, 12, Washington D.C.

Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?
One to get in and one to get out.

I was in the zoo last week.
Really? Which cage were you in?...Bryan, Age 5, New York

I took my son to the zoo yesterday.
Really, did they accept him?...Marianne R., age 9, Bristol, Pa.

Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?"
"Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

Come on, Fred, I'll take you to the zoo.
If the zoo wants me, let them come and get me!
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In class one day, Mr. Johnson pulled Johnny over to his desk after a test, and said, “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.” Johnny was astounded and asked Mr. Johnson to prove it. “Well, said Mr. Johnson, I was looking over your test and the question was, ‘Who was our first president?’, and the little girl that sits next to you, Mary, put ‘George Washington,’ and so did you.” “So, everyone knows that he was the first president.”

“Well, just wait a minute,” said Mr. Johnson. “The next question was, ‘Who freed the slaves?’ Mary put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.” “Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that,” said Johnny. “Wait, wait,” said Mr. Johnson. The next question was, ‘Who was president during the Louisiana Purchase?’ Mary put ‘I don't know,’ and you put, ‘Me neither’.” Bethann...14, Knoxville, TN.

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs." I pray for a new bicycle!" "I pray for a new Nintendo!" "I pray for a new VCR!"
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Cause his teacher said it was a peice of cake.
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Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply:
''Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!''
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A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four." Carolyn...10, Bensalem, Pa.

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, "Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!" "No. You had your chance." A minute later the boy screamed "Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?" "No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you." "Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass of water?"

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." "Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh, what was it then?" "I think it was the spin cycle." Brian ...16, Billings, Montana

Where do hamsters come ?
Hampsterdam !
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon ?
The full moon because it's lighter !
What town in England makes terrible sandwiches ?
Oldham ! -Steven, Age 8. Bristol, Pa.

Bits of Wisdom from Kids !!!

'Never trust a dog to watch your food.' - Patrick, aged 10.
'When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer.'- Hannah, aged 9.
'Never tell your mom her diet's not working.' - Michael, aged 14.
'Stay away from prunes.' - Randy, aged 9.
'Don't squat with your spurs on.' - Noronha, aged 13.
'When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.' - Taylia, aged 11.
'Never allow your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.' - Traci, aged 14.
'Don't sneeze in front of your mom when you're eating crackers.' - Mitchell, aged 12.
'Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.' - Andrew, aged 9.
'Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.' - Kyoyo, aged 9.
'You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.' - Armir, aged 9.
'Don't wear polka-dotted underwear under white shorts.' - Kellie, aged 11.
'If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.' - Naomi, aged 15.
'Felt pens are not good to use as lipstick.' - Lauren, aged 9.
'Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.' - Joel, aged 10.
'When you get a bad grade at school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.' - Alyesha, aged 13.
'Never try to baptize a cat.' - Eileen, aged 8
Knock Knock. Who's there. Tree. Tree Who? No! There are no owls in the tree!
Frederick, 6
Olympia, WA
----
What vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden? Squash
Katelyn, 8
South Carolina
----
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case in made a hole in one.
Katelyn, 8
South Carolina

What is a ghost's favorite dessert? Booberry pie.
Danielle, 5
Houlton, ME
----
Where do bee's go to the restroom? The BP station.
Andrew, 11
Newnan, GA
----
What do you get when a cow is in an earthquake? A milkshake!
Ashley, 11
Newnan, GA
----
Knock Knock. Who's there? Nail. Nail who? Ouch!!
Brendan, 7
Oceanside, California
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How do you catch a unique rabbit? You neek up on it.
Joey, 6
Wadsworth, OH
----
What has milk and a horn? A milk truck.
Steven, 13
St. Johns IL
----
How do you catch a monkey? Act like a banana.
Jessica, 6
Pine, CO
----
How are trees & elephants alike?They both have a trunk!
Kenton , 8
Pine, CO USA
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why does a glow worm glow? because they only eat light meals!
Steven , 7
Vienna, VA
----
What is green and red spots all over. A pikel with meseles.
Carrie, 7
INDIANA
----
Q. Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? A. Becauuse the parrots eat 'em all (paracetamol)
Callum, 7
Melbourne, Victoria Australia
----
If a tree fell in a forest , would it make a sound?
Callum, 7
Melbourne, Victoria Australia
----
Rabbit: "My teacher yelled at me for something I didn't do."
Turtle: "What?"
Rabbit: "My homework."
Claire, 9
Kansas City, MO
----
What did the kid say to the wise guy? Be like a bannana and split.
Grade 7 , 12-13
Perry, ME USA
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What did the tree say to the other tree? Leave me.
Justin, 6
Bolingbrook, IL USA
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WHY DID THE ELEPHANT CROSS THE ROAD? BECAUSE THE CHICKEN WAS ON VACATION. MICHAEL, 7
NY
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Why was the dog mad at the tree? Because the tree had its BARK.
Jamila, 10
Sugarland, TX
----
What is the Ghost's Favorite game?
Peek-a-booooo!
Jennifer, 10
Hobart, IN
----
what animal can jump higher than a house?
any animal - a house can't jump!!!!
Ashley, 8
Wimberley, Tx

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What do you call a dog at the beach? A Hot Dog.
Donna, 10
Detroit, MI (PST)
----
What did the dog say as he scrubbed against the tree?
Bark! Bark!
Emily, 13
Conway, SC (PST)
----
What animal has more lives than the cat? A frog, he croaks every night.
Kristin, 10
New Castle, IN
----
What has more lives than a cat ?
a frog it croaks every night. (croaks is another word for dies)
Bobbi, 11
Wellington, IL
----
how do you catch a squirrel you go up in tree and you act like a nut
Brooke, 11 1/2
Memehis, Tn
----
Why was the cat afraid to go by the tree? He was afraid of its bark.
Stephen, 9
Redding, CA
----
Who doesn't have any hair and thinks he's the national dog of the United States ?
A:The bald beagal!!!!!!!!!!
Anita, 9
Richmond, Canada
----
Q: What is part pig and part tree?
A:Porky pine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anita, 9
Richmond, Canada

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When a hunter came in the forest, two elephents climbed up a tree and told to him: we are cherrys!
KARIN, 12
KUALALUMPUR, MALAYSIA
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Why do the birds fly south for the winter ? Because it's to far to walk!
Katherine, 9
Sweetwater, TX
----
Q:What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A:A walkie-talkie!
Britt, 10
Sweetwater, Texas USA
----
Why did the snail ask the maco company to carve an S in his car? So people would say," Look at that escargot!"
Steve, 43
San Diego, CA
----
WHAT DO YOU CALL TWO BANANA PEELS? A PAIR OF SLIPPERS!!
Rhett, 6
Spencer, IA
----
How do you know if an elephant is in your fridge You can't shut the door.
Krissie, 5
----
What is a crocodiles favorite game
Snap
Danie, 6

what do you call a cat that eats lemons? answer: a sourpuss!
Chris, 8
Du Quoin, Illinois
----
Why didn't the fly go near the computer? Because he was afraid he would get caught in the World Wide Web!
Brad, 6 1/2
Fort Collins, Colorado
----
Why is it hard to talk with a goat around?
Because he always buts in.
When is it aii right to drink milk from a saucer?
When you are a cat.
Ryan, 9
Cassville, Mo.

What kind of wood has sap and is soft? soft sap!
Heather, 10
Normal, IL
----
What do you get when you cross a cow with a hores? moonays
Gunnar, 10
Fairport, NY USA
----
Why can`t you play jokes on snakes?
Because you can`t pull their legs.
Why is a tree surgeon like an actor?
`Cos he`s always taking boughs.
What does a frog do with bad eyesight?
Hops to the hoptician
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?
He gets toad away.
William, 9
Buenos Aires, Argentina
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What did the duck say to the boy? Quack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tyler, 5
Perry, ME USA

What did the tree say to the lumberjacks? leaf me alone!!!!
Dana, 7
Perry, ME USA
----
Why does a platypus have a bill like a duck? Because it eats fish.
Natalie, 7
Melbourne, Vic Australia
----
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!!!
Robert, 8
Rochester, IN USA
----
How do you find a lost dog in the woods? You listen to the bark of a tree.
Kristina, 10
Edmonton, AB CANADA
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Why did the man cut down the tree? Becuase it was treepassing on the mans property!!!! ha ha
Brittarrah, 10
Lloydminster, Canada
----
What did the tree say to the mushroom? My bark is worse than my bite! Ha! Ha!
Danny, 11
Toledo , wa usa
----
how come the roots of a tree come out becese someone was digging in it
Cory, 7 1\2
Clevlen , Ms Mississippi

why was sixth tree afraid of the seventh tree? because 7 8 9 .
Kristen, 8
Roel Palm, F.L. PALM BEACH
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How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him. how do you catch a tame rabbit? the tame way.
Aj Lee, 8
Washington, DC
----
What's big and red and eats rocks? A big red rock eater.
AJ, 8
Washington, DC
----
Once there was a duck, a deer, and a skunk. They all walked into a restaurant. They ate their dinner, but the deer didn't have a buck, the skunk didn't have a scent, so they put it on the duck's Bill.
David, 12
Pocono Lake, Pa
----
how do you catch a squirrel? answer: act like a nut!
Chantz, 6
Minneapolis, Mn
----
What is a gorilla called with bananas in his ears? Answer: Anything, he can't hear you!
Benjamin ,8
Vienna, Austria
----
Why do wiener dogs not go to barbques? Because they do not want to become hot dogs!
Kaylee, 8
Surry B.C.
----
What did the Olive say to his loved one?.... Olive you!
Javaid, 10
Berkeley, CA
----
After the earthquake what did one mountain say to the other?.... It wasn't my fault!
Megan, 12
Los Gatos, CA
----
Q: what do you get if you say hello ban ban 3 times then say banana 3 times? A: bamm bamm bamana!
Alanna, 9
Edinburgh
----
What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, Ill go on ahead.
Mrs. Herrtyuch's 6th Period Class, 14-18
Houston, Texas USA
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Why was the skeleton afraid cross the road? He had no guts!
Julie, 43
Houston, TX
----
There's a hotel that's 48 stories high. Some people say it's 49, but that's another story!
Desiree Munoz, 8
San Diego, Ca. USA
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WHERE DOES A GENRAL KEEP HIS ARMIES? UP HIS SLEVEIES
Jolee, 8
HOQUIAM WA, USA
----
What is a robber's favorite metal? steel
Katie, 6
Ponte Vedra, FL
----
Knock,knock. Who's there? Impatient cow. Impatient cow who? Impat-MOO!!! (impatient means not patient or eager.)
Morgan, 11
Fresno,CA-U.S.
-
whats the best time to go to the dentist? at tooth hirty
JOLEE, 8
HOQUIAM, WA

Knock Knock,Who's there? panther! panther who? panther are what i wear, what do you wear? once I had a wooden whistle and it wooden whistle, then I got a steel whistle and it steel wouldnt whistle, then i got a tin whistle and now I tin whistle
Alec, 4 and a half
Morton Grove, IL USA

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Tuba. Tuba who? Tuba toothpaste.
Katy, 6
Seattle, Washington USA

Theres this girlwalking down the street and fell in the trash bin and found out she was late for joke class,when she got there she made-up a joke "What did the man say... nothing and then the audience said "YOU STINK!!!!!!!"
Brianne, 9
Irvine, CA
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on a head and I'll hang around.
Why was the boy called 7 1/4?
Because his father pulled his name out of a hat.... Andrew K. Age 6. Toledo, Ohio
If all the letters of the alphabet were invited to a tea party, what letters would be late?
The letters u,v,w,x,y and z. they all come after t(tea).
The man who made me sold me....the man who bought me never used me...the man who used me never saw me.....What am I?
A Coffin !
Name five days of the week without saying monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday
The day before yesterday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow...William McG. Age 12, Williamsport,Pa.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Harry
Harry who?
Harry up and you will find out!
Knock knock
Who's there
Annie
Annie who?
Annie chance of a glass of water!
Knock knock
Who's there
Ken
Ken who?
Ken you hurry up and open the door! ...Margaret Y. and Kevin D., ages 4 and 8, Ohio
Enjoy These Great Halloween Jokes !
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
.A: Dayscare centers.
Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bamboo.
Q. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
A: Boo boos.
Q: What does a ghost eat for lunch?
A: A BOO-logna sandwich.
Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?
A: The Eerie canal, Lake Eerie ! or Mali-Boo
.Q. What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
A: The roller ghoster.
Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store.
Q: Where do ghosts mail their letters?
A: At the ghost office.
Q: What's a ghosts favorite fruit?
A: Booberries.
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best ?
A: A dead end !
Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch!
Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body
Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: Bone appetit !
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.
Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A: You can't fool me, I can see right through you.
Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
A: I'm bone to be wild!
Q: Why are graveyards so noisy ?
A: Beacause of all the coffin !
Q: Where do mummies go for a swim?
A: To the dead sea
Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up. / Cool Halloween Jokes submitted by: Marcus and Brian, Ages 6 and 9 / Cleveland, Ohio
__________Thanks Guys ! _____________
Q. What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
A. A minnie van! Bill C. and Megan C. Ages 7 and 2 / Wheeling, West Virginia
Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage.
Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: a Buccaneer!
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize. Cynthia S. Age 11 / Cleveland, Ohio
Q: What is the name of King Arthur's knight that created the
round table? / A: Sir Cumference. .. Patty G. Age 8 / Evansville, Indiana
What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o lantern by its diameter ?
Pumpkin Pi !...Thomas F. Jr. Age 12 / Bristol , Pa.
What do you call a motor bike belonging to a witch ?
A broooooooom stick !
Was Dracula ever married ?
No, he was a bat-chelor!
What do you get if you cross a vampire with Al Capone ?
A fangster !
Why are skeletons usually so calm ?
Nothing gets under their skin !
What do vampires gamble with ?
Stake money !
What sort of group do vampires join ?
A blood group !
Why do skeletons hate winter ?
Beacuse the cold goes right through them !
What do you call an old and foolish vampire ?
A silly old sucker !
Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ?
The girl necks door !
What is red, sweet and bites people ?
A jampire ! ...Mark S. Age 7 / Princeton N.J.
What do witches eat at Halloween ?
Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie !
A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you a ghost ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an unmade bed !"
Another boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head.
"Are you an unmade bed ?" asked his friends
"No, I'm an undercover agent !"
What did the really ugly man do for a living ?
He posed for Halloween masks !
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor ?
He was in high spirits !
What happened when the girl dressed as a spoon left the Halloween party ?
No one moved, they couldn't stir without her !
Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party ?
Because he just came to pick up his sister !
Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party ?
Because the feathers were still on the chicken ! ...Billy K., Mark D. and Jessica K. , Ages 4, 7, and 11 / Bensalem, Pa.
What vegetable do you get when an elephant walks through your garden? Squash
What do you get when a cow is in an earthquake? A milkshake!
What has milk and a horn? A milk truck. ...Angela and David, Age 7 and 10 / Wrightstown, Pa.

John, who was born without ears, needed to hire a new Bank Manager.
He set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting. But at the end of the interview, John asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?""Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears," came the reply.John did not appreciate his candor and threw him out of the office. The second interview was with a woman, who had been with the bank a long time. She was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: "Do
you notice anything different about me?" ."Well," she said, "you have no ears.
" John again got upset and tossed her out. The third and final interviewee was
the best of the bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA.
He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better
businessman that the first two put together. John was anxious,
but went ahead and asked the young man:"Do you notice anything different about me?"And much to his surprise,the young man answered, "Yes. You wear contact lenses."John was shocked and realized this was an incredibly observant person.
"How in the world did you know that?", he asked. The young man fell off his chair
laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!" Betty Jo and Thomas R. Age 8-9, Feasterville, Pa

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains
Well pull yourself together then
Doctor, Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me.
Next please!
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me
One at a time please
Doctor, Doctor, some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wig-wam.
You're too tents.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m invisible
Who said that?
Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
Hmmmm.Let's hope nothing develops.
Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop off.
Doctor, Doctor I’ve lost my memory!
When did this happen?
When did what happen?
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.
Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there. .......Mark K. Age 11, Bensalem, Penna.
Q: How does a horse greet his neighbor? A: Howdy naaaabor
Q: Whats a frog's favorite drink? A: A diet croak!...Tamara G. Age 7, Bensalem, Penna.
Teacher: When I was your age I could name all the presidents in order from 1st to last.
Student: Yeah,but when you were my age there had only been 1 or 2....Anthony and Melissa R. Ages 5 -8, Denver, Colorado
What did the duck say when he'd finished shopping?
Put it on my bill please
Which months have twenty-eight days?
All of them ! ... Michael R., age 9 Trevose, PA.
Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? / A. He wanted cold hard cash!
Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? / A. "Is that you mommy?"
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? / A. Frostbite.
Q. How do crazy people go through the forest? / A. They take the psycho path.
Q. What do prisoners use to call each other? / A. Cell phones.
Q. What do you get from a pampered cow? / A. Spoiled milk
Q. Where do polar bears vote? / A. The North Poll
Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane? / A. ME!!!
Q. Where do snowmen keep their money? / A. In snow banks.
Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? / A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Q. What dog keeps the best time? / A. A watch dog.
Q. Why did the tomato turn red? / A. It saw the salad dressing!
Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? / A. It let out a little wine!
Q. How do you make a tissue dance? / A. Put a little boogey in it!
Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? / A. Odor in the court.
These Fine Jokes Submitted by Andrew K., age 7...Mark S., age 9, and Cathy P., age 5 ...Bensalem. You three worked hard. Thanks!
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on.
He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So He called one of His
best angels and sent the angel to Earth for a while. When she returned she told God,
yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.
Well, He thought for a moment and thought maybe He'd better send down a second angel
to get another point of view. So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned he went to God and told him "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad
and 5% is good." God said this was not good.
So He decided to send e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them
and give them a little something to help them keep going down the right path.
Do you know what that e-mail said?
.
.
.
.

Oh, you didn't get one either, huh? Bummer! ............................Billy K. age 13, Trevose

A list of jobs I tried to hold down...
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned couldn't concentrate.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.
Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just didn't have the thyme.
Finally, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patients.
Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.
I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.
So then I got a job in a gymnasium (work-out-center), but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.
After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind .....Thomas M .age 11, Bensalem
A film crew was on location deep in the desert.
One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."
The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm."
The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the
Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several
successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director,
"and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders -
"No clue," he said. "radio broken."....... Mark, age12, Bensalem

What do you call a dog that sits on an ice cube?
A chili dog! Markus, 9, Langhorne
What time do you go to the dentist?
At tooth hurty! (2:30).......Kevin, age7, Bensalem
On the way to a water hole a zebra met 6 giraffes. Each giraffe had 3 monkeys hanging from its neck. Each monkey had 2 birds on its tail. How many animals were going to the water hole?
Only the zebra, the rest were coming back from the water hole. Wayne. age 11, Bristol
Where should you never take a dog?.....to a flea market
Joseph, age 8, Bensalem
What do you call a great
dog detective?.......Sherlock Bones!
Jemma, age 10, Bristol
Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school ! Paul ,age 10, Bristol
Why did your sister wear a wet shirt all day ?
Because the label said, 'Wash and Wear.' Caroline, age 6,Bensalem

Note...Thanks You for all Your E-Mails full of Funny Jokes. Keep them Coming, and Please Include a First Name and Age so We can give you Credit on the CubPack301 Joke Page.